Heinz

the other day i was cooking up some chicken nuggets - like the adult that i am - when i went to my fridge and saw that i was completely out of ketchup. i don’t know about you, but that’s the kind of thing that throws off my whole day. because now I either have to a.) eat my nuggets without ketchup b.) go all the way to the store to get a new bottle or c.) steal my roommate’s offbrand ketchup. all of those are terrible options. my day is ruined.

it’s such a shame we can’t just teleport food to us, i thought to myself. but then i realized, we actually kind of can. and in my ketchup-deprived delirium i saw the future:  The Heinz SOS Bot - Sauce On Standby.

if your city has these automated delivery bots - you know they’re everywhere. and between orders, they just idle around on the sidewalk; there’s probably one outside my apartment now.

so what if we were to equip these with an “emergency” compartment for sauce packets? now, with the click of a button, that idle bot a block away is headed right to you.

though i’ve since gone to the store and have a nice new bottle of Heinz, i know there will come a day when that bottle runs dry, and i tell myself…”eh, that’s a problem for future me.”

i’m only human, okay?

but if technology were to ever get to a point where I can call for emergency ketchup packets so my day isn’t ruined, we all know…

It has to be Heinz.

*chicken nuggests count as an emergency